WWWWWHHHHHHAAATTTT!!!!

This is too crazy.  I am remembering how to post a blog on this cold December 2013 at 9:30PM.  No idea what settings mean what and bummer.  No one taught me how to post or make my blog I did it all myself about a year ago and now not posting for about 6 months it feels like I have never done this before.

 It is slowly coming back to me but I get it.  I need to either put some time and effort into blogging or lose the ability to do it at all.  Well it all makes sense.  Since I have not been able to put time and effort into ballet class in the past month I am feeling the need to put effort into something creative and this is as close as I can get.  

Having to get a new router and install myself and then have everything look different including YouTube and Firefox page and Microsoft 2010 screen I cannot get rid of I need help.  This is not all the way back to where I started blogging saying I had no idea what I was doing so I do have some muscle memory for this just like in ballet when I return it feels like starting over but the muscles respond slowly.  Barbarina......are you going to keep blogging or WWWWWHHHHAAAATTTT???

I am too private a person to make this my new journal.  A journal is supposed to be free flowing writing my feelings as they come and at least that would keep me in the training mode of writing each day and I know that is what it takes is effort just to show up and write.  But for me that means showing up to make improvements and study and learn and do my best and a journal is not an art form it is just putting words down on paper.  Blogging needs to mean something....or does it.  What if my blog is just random writings each evening about whatever comes to me and leave it at that.  No one will read it and it will be a different kind of blog.  I am all about being different even if it is wrong so yes, I will just go for it.  Every night just post my random thoughts for the day and of course a photo that relates to my thoughts and see where this path takes me.  My journey in writing freestyle. 

Tonight is the first night of my freestyle blogging and maybe I will be brave enough not to censor my thoughts.  It is now 10PM and cold outside but clear enough to see the lights of the Christmas tree lit on the roof of Johns Landing.  The night feels calm.  Normal traffic.  Staring out my picture window is a blessing.  Life is always moving.  People are always going somewhere.  Even me when it does not feel like it.  I have been struggling with letting go of my passion to study ballet because of an injury that may or may not heal.  It has taken me a week of being aware that my life is more than one passion and I am grateful number one. 

How can I get to grateful when this injury is keeping me from my passion?  Wow!!  There is so much more for me to discover.  Goodnight.

Going Where The Spirit Takes YOu

A doctor once told her she would not be able to dance as her body aged.  She never went to that doctor again and refused to listen because the only thing she ever wanted to do was dance.  This is a tale about the human spirit.  When you are born an artist you have to be free to create.  This book is excellent for anyone who feels they coulda', shouda', woulda' if only...

Marta is a dancer, performer, choreographer, composer, painter, and sewed all her costumes for her one woman show.  Her father asked her, "Is there anything else useless that you could do?"  He never understood why she clung to her artistic talents thinking it was a waste of her time.  Her mother was a needy person that was a constant drain on Marta's energy.  Her husband ends up hating her and her art and ends up leaving her. leaves her.

One of many paintings  she did that cover the  walls and ceiling of her Opera House where she performs.

Marta did find a certain amount of  acclaim with all of her talents.  A documentary about  her was up for an Oscar that I want to see.    From what I can tell she is still creating and teaching today. 

Take Two Ibprofen Every Four Hours And Smile

Is it broken?  How do I know?  Is it swollen?  I don't even know.  It just hurts like crazy and I cannot put a shoe on.  Over the years I have had so many dance injuries and the remedy is always the same...ice.  Oh please no, I have only used it a very few times and it is the thought of icing that is too painful  so I have taken two Ibprofen and wonder how I am going to hobble to work tomorrow?

It happened so fast.  Getting ready to fly out the door to ballet class tonight suddenly I stub my baby toe and OOOwwwwEE it hurts.  But just shake it off and it will be fine so I put on my leotard and tights and thought I should try seeing how my toe was going to feel in my soft shoes.  Oh no, I cannot even get my foot in the shoe and I knew what that meant.  No ballet class tonight.  Now four hours later wondering how long this little event is going to keep me away from my passion???

UUUGHH...I'm now relegated to watching The Dukes Of Melrose for the first time on Bravo and  The Million Dollar Listing New York  At least I feel like I learn a few things about fashion and the real estate industry.  Unlike the insane shows on The Learning Channel (TLC).

GRRR...how long am I going to be sidelined this time?  I will have to key into training my Mind that I have been taking notes about.  I always journal about things for years before I actually feel like I get around to applying it to my life.  I'm also reading some new books one of which is "I'm Over All That..."by Shirley MacLaine.  I wish I was over ballet training because for every time I have to take off because of a virus, a vacation. an injury, the effort it takes to begin again feels like starting at the bottom of Mt. Everest.

 I know my mountain feels so trivial compared to what others are having to climb.  Where we are headed no one knows and with each event that FEELS like a set back is a learning experience.  AARRRGH!!!  I wish I could choose my own learning experiences.  Much more fun learning pirouettes.  If you have any experience with training your mind I would love to hear them. 

When The Body Has Its Reasons

Hello, it's me.  I feel like another lifetime has come upon me in a way.  Last month I felt a strange  tiredness for no reason and had no symptoms.  Then I went on vacation for Spring Break and caught a virus that has taken me weeks to feel back to normal, my normal, that is, working full time and taking 5 ballet classes a week.  "Setbacks are opportunities to learn" I wrote in my journal.  So what's new?

I have had time to reflect and realized while sick I wondered if my body would want to be pushed again ever?  Since I am my own art and science project putting together a program that works for me is forever trial and error.  I use food as medicine and attempt some form of exercise each day and it is not easy.  So what am I trying to prove?  I don't have anything.  And I have no reason to do what I am doing.  I just put one foot in front of the other and find consistency is a needed friend when it comes to dance.  Working toward a "body/mind/spirit" excellence as we age I find is more and more of a mystery than one to be solved.  "Excellence is an art won by training and habit" I wrote in my journal.

The sacrifice is enormous when pursuing excellence.  I could not be the Kobe who admits his mission to win championships takes a great toll.  Siting in ice baths after each game instead of going home to his family plus getting to the gym 4 hours early just to prepare mentally and physically for the game. At age 34 and 17 years of professional basketball and seriously changing his eating habits is not enough to keep up the intensity much longer he admits.   But he is a work of ART to watch perform.

 When I look out my window I see inspiration surrounding me.  A row of bright pink cherry blossom trees line my sidewalk to remind me that change is always in process.  There is a "running man" that I see in my neighborhood that runs rain, shine, hail, or scorching sun in soft sandals, shorts, tee, and head scarf.  He looks like he is training for those long distance runs that take place in the dessert where the temps drop to below zero at night and up over the hundreds in the sun.  WHO does that?  I would love to hear his story.  But how do you stop a running man to ask him why he runs all the time?

"Practice means to perform, in the face of all obstacles some act of vision, of faith, of desire.  Practice is a means of inviting the perfection desired" quoted Martha Graham.  I have had enough counseling and psyche classes to know striving for "perfection" is not healthy.  There is something deeper going on.   I have no name for my "program" yet and being my own project I bounce back and forth from dire seriousness for about 5 minutes... to excuses... to much doubt... and questions questions always questions.????   I do not even have a specific goal I can name other than to "get stronger" in order to have more fun dancing.  I have no idea at this time what it is going to take but I do have my foods that I am experimenting with for energy.   Do you have something you practice?  Do you feel driven in any way?  Is there a running man in you?  Does your body have its reasons?

Make Each Moment An Occasion

Okay....I'm in love again.  This time with two men I found on Advanced Style.  Yes I use the term "in love" loosely and it is my nature to like to exaggerate so it is just my way of describing how excited I get when I find men that I am attracted to.  The men I admire are always from afar.  I have not been successful in relationships as I have been told my expectations are way too high when it comes to the male species.  Also when in college I took a highly interesting class called "Family Dynamics" and I remember one premise is when growing up female without brothers it is harder to relate to men except in a romantic way.  Also I have heard if one wants to learn how to have a relationship with a man begin with getting a dog.  I love dogs but only when they are not my own.  I cuddle with my best friends dog when I visit and then I walk away....with no desire to have one of my own. 

I never know exactly what it is that sets a man apart from the rest.  Kobe Bryant is my athletic crush.  Why?  There are hundreds of NBA players so what is it about him that makes me have to watch every game he plays?  Who knows why he fascinates me in a way that the others do not.  Over the years I have had very few men that capture my attention but now I have two new ones.  If you want to put a little more ART in your life check out these two men.

Derrill Osborn

I have no interest in watches.  And pocket watches not even close.  Well, Mr. Derrill Osborn made me hang on every word describing his love for pocket watches.  He is a retired American fashion executive.  His voice captured my attention and left me wanting to hear more more more....I am not sure if he is the one that said..."Make each moment an occasion" but that is my motto.  People ask me why I don't celebrate holidays?  I say, "I celebrate everyday."

Wanny Di Filippo

Wanny is from Florence, Italy and Daniel Riera  has made a mini film about him that is rich rich rich.  Wanny has a depth to him that not every man has just because he gets older.  Age has nothing to do with becoming more interesting.  In fact it can be the opposite.  If only maturity equaled interesting. Once in awhile I hear something I write down in my journal and I did from him.  "Being not appearing to be is what matters" ...  Where can I meet men like this?

Now for today's marketing gimmick at the Mall.  I walked into the Body Shop for the first time.  I found a perfume oil I was thinking about that cost $16.00 for a very small bottle.  The clerk asked me if I played the promotion game?  I told her I was not interested in promotions.  She asked me if I wanted to walk to the front of the store and play the game anyway?  Being curious I agreed.  You take a ball and let it drop through a maze and it lands on one of four different options.  The one mine landed on was $20.00 off a $40.00 purchase.  What I wanted only cost $16.00 but a larger bottle cost $24.00. She said I could get 2 of the larger bottles and it would only cost me $28.00.  Get it?  I went in and was going to purchase a bottle of perfume for $16.00.  After playing the game I supposedly would think WOW I get way more perfume for only $28.00.  I told her I was going to wait and left.  Is this the same as Super Size me? 

Am I the only one who does not like promotions?  Is there a way to shop that I need to learn?  Do you have any shopping secrets to share?

Lessons Learned Posting Pics

Tuesday and all of my work projects are complete.  I have this day off and knew I would have to force myself to experiment taking photos if I were ever going to again.   After taking 51 photos of a variety of different outfits a few months ago that disappeared into the Cloud.....I have been loathe to begin again.  I do not see how the girls do it.  It looked like so much fun.....like many things look to me......only to discover it's just plain hard work and takes time, patience, and practice like most everything valuable in life.  I am not one who takes pictures of anything.  When I am out and about or even on vacation the last thing on my mind is a camera and picture taking.  But I sure admire those who do.  When my son took me to Paris I came home with only about 12 photos and I treasure those dearly.  Then when I started my blog I thought taking photos of my outfits would be fun because I think I dress a little differently than the norm  but WHOA!  An outfit that I would normally create I discovered in a photo can look just plain wrong!!!   I realize now the only reason I like to take photos of my outfits is to discover WHAT NOT TO WEAR...at least in a photo.  In my real life a Victorian style short black velveteen jacket I bought a hundred years ago at The Gap (before they went all androgynous) with a flare pleat in the back is one of my favorite looks.  But on camera the cut looks just weird.   When I go to the Mall now I have to ask myself  "Is this editorial?"   It is fun in the aspect of my loving to always keep learning new things yet I forget within that desire is great frustration and effort.  I think I leave all of that on the dance floor and hardly have any room left for my adventure into photo taking..

 I would not wear this out in public with the flower and the hat but at least it looks kind of editorial?

Ho-hum....I tried to create some interest with the belt being different than the shoes but it's a yawn.  I know we are our own worst critics but I don't want to have to add a hat or dark glasses to make an outfit look interesting.  Now what?

Less is more...maybe a flower on this jacket would have worked but still nothing creative here.

A different pose does not work either.  My new 4 inch red swede heels from Cathy Jean's are surprisingly wearable...meaning I can wear them walking around on carpets quite comfortably.  But where do I go where there is solid carpeting?  I will wear them to work tomorrow and see.

What have I learned today?  I know if one takes any new activity and devote at least one hour a day to it one can improve.  My goal is to take one photo a day when I get home from work of my outfit.  When I have time I will study the photos I have collected and see what I could do to create more interesting looks.   I am open to all suggestions that come my way.  Please share all of your helpful hints as I am eager to learn. 

Rants And Raves

Sunday eve watching the fashion statements on the Grammy's with Taylor Swift my favorite so far.  My life feels very staid and disciplined compared to the party all the time group on TV but I am
 feeling great with an E-ticket to paradise spending time with my children I hardly ever get to see.   First stop Ft. Smith, Arkansas to connect with my daughter and two grandchildren, on to Waterloo, Iowa to see my two sons, then all together on to spend Spring Break in  Chicago. We are all looking forward because our time together is precious and FUN. 

In the mean time I feel disciplined and boring.  Can one be disciplined and not boring???  Kobe Bryant known for being  the "most disciplined"  admits he gives up a lot for his sport.  At least he has zillions of dollars and rings to show for it where my discipline only gets me performing at what feels like below average.  Yet when asked by friends and family "what are you doing today" my answer is always, "ballet class".  Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.  The only energy I have left after working all day and class is sitting in front of the TV.   I refuse to watch any dramas with crying and dying or crime shows with violence but I will watch Fashion Police with all the trash talk.

Joan said, "Style is like herpes, you either have it or you don't."  I like her because she is who she is.  I know all the plastic surgery but her personality is authentic.  Two celebrities who are the epitimy of fake and phoniness are Beyonce and Lebron James.  They both run around doing interviews saying how "humble " they are.  Guess what?  If you have to TELL me you are then you are NOT!!  They have so much AFFECTATION they are laughable as a caricature of themselves.  Lebron has to be on steroids.  Does the NBA even check for that?  And who could be shocked Beyonce would lipsinc?

I come back to Kobe.  He has said, "Chances are you don't like me but even better chance that I don't care".  .

Question, why is it shoes tried on in the shoe store feel fine.  Then when purchased and tried on at home they feel like a completely different shoe???  Or does that just happen to me?  Here are my latest purchase.  Yes, stay off of my red swede shoes.

I wanted to style them with jeans rolled up and cuffed, a white top tucked in with a belt, and a black blazer.  Yes with insoles they felt doable but now?  I don't think I can even wear them to work SITTING at my computer all day.  They were 70 percent off and not returnable.  This is another good reason why I am not good around sales.   I am going to make them work or... if anyone wants them I would donate to a good home.  

My last rant is....I do not like the songs presented at the Grammy's.  Watch & Go is a promo at CBS.....only 30 minutes into it and I am gone.