An Exercise Fanatic

Twenty degrees in Portland town today but sunshine and no wind.  After not walking due to cold temps for several days except for shopping at The Mall (totally does not count for exercise) I knew I had to put on my knit tights, plus leggings, cami, thermal tee, hoodie, plus jacket, wool hat and go walk the river.  After seeing runners  earlier in the morning, and bicyclists all decked out like Lance Armstrong I knew I had to get my own training in gear.

Met R. and J. for coffee.  R asked me why I decided to go to my companies holiday party and if it was because of the documentary we saw last week called "Finding Joe" about the teachings of Joseph Campbell and others.  It was mentioned as an artist to do at least one thing every 7 days that takes you out of your comfort zone.  That would be socializing for me.  It is so uncomfortable for me to try and make conversation in groups of people.

I told her I think it must be because every ballet class was so challenging for me and uncomfortable that without it now I feel a need to find other things to do that take me out of complacency.  Who knows where my journey is going.  I just want to keep opening to what is new each day.

Do We Make Our Own Choices...

...or are we driven?  Do you remember when sequins were everywhere on everything?  I am not afraid of sequins I just don't like to wear them when they are trending.  So now when I want them they are gone.  Victoria Secret has a sequin Bomber jacket that is blinding.  Not finding anything else sequin at the Mall except old lady sweaters I thought I would give it a go.  It was so heavy I did not take it off the hanger.  I cannot stand thick heavy clothes.  I like to feel free in my clothes and in my LIFE.

Standing in the kitchen of my new apartment after leaving my second marriage my father asks, "What do you want?"  "To be free"..  "What does that mean?"  "I don't know it's just a feeling I want."  "You need to start using your head"  He hardly ever told me what to do.

Keeping a journal of my daily thoughts is a way to become aware of personal thought patterns NOT to change them or judge them ONLY to be aware of them and LEAVE THEM ALONE.

He's BAAAAACCCCCKKKKK!!!!!  Unlike any other.  He is the Art of Basketball.  What does it FEEL like to change your game???

Who Am I

Sooo cold today no walk and no stretches at home my body. mind, spirit is craving ballet class.  Hip still hurting but read my horoscope today and that could be changing in two weeks.  Yay!!!

Health begins in the kitchen and I am liking my new diet.  It is called The Harley Diet and I guess Kim Kardashian used it so why is he not calling it the KK diet to sell billions of copies?     Fruit in the morning, starches an hour later and greens with protein for lunch and dinner.   For the first time in awhile I feel energized and did not measure my inches but after only a few weeks I do have a  flat stomach.  Yay!!!
 

Watching Project Runway last night wrote down "As an artist work on finding who you are".   "Who Am I" was one of my favorite classes at Marylhurst College.  I really thought there was an answer to that question.  25 years later..I wonder what that would feel like?    I have no idea Who I Am.  Kobe the athlete I most admire says, "You have to see it first".  And tonight I wrote down, "Yay for slow decisions and painful processes", expressed by another artist.

The Face Of The Day

What could be causing red dots popping out on my face the past few weeks?  Tonight a few are now turning into large red welts.  Sweet.  I have not put any moisturizers or lotions or serums or foundation of any kind on my face because studying the principles of the yoga philosophy it is important to breathe.  Yes and the recommended way is through the nostrils not your mouth.  Also through your skin.  So I decided no lotions or oils slathered on my skin including sunscreens of any kind would be best for me.

Since focusing on 4 ballet classes a week and working full time I found watching YouTube tutorials my choice of relaxation.  I love to learn and watching all the makeup gurus was interesting, fun, and relaxing.  Little did I know it was starting to affect my life.  I started experimenting a few weeks ago with making my own Vit C serum, using a new cleanser, and putting one pump of Roc moisturizer on my face every morning.  Sweet.  Now I have red spots and welts on my face.

First elimination was the Vit C because I told myself I used too much and just not using it for a few days the spots would go.  A few days later decided I should stop the cleanser and moisturizer and start over.  It has been three days now of no product and my face still is not right. I had no idea I had sensitive skin until I wanted to improve upon it. 

Here is my granddaughter Ms. Lauren right after getting her braces removed last week.  She is thrilled.

Here she is with a self portrait she took on her phone.  These pictures are so precious to me because living so far away and only being able to visit once a year is something many of us have to make the best of and be thankful we at least have ways to communicate.  They live in Arkansas and she just now sent me a text they have lost power due to ice so they are all cuddled in bed.  Tonight in Oregon I am cold enough.

Last night I found the sweetest book.  It is so delightful.  I have only read the first chapter and it is so well written and FUNNY.  Oh if only I could write like her.  I wonder if I could learn?

WWWWWHHHHHHAAATTTT!!!!

This is too crazy.  I am remembering how to post a blog on this cold December 2013 at 9:30PM.  No idea what settings mean what and bummer.  No one taught me how to post or make my blog I did it all myself about a year ago and now not posting for about 6 months it feels like I have never done this before.

 It is slowly coming back to me but I get it.  I need to either put some time and effort into blogging or lose the ability to do it at all.  Well it all makes sense.  Since I have not been able to put time and effort into ballet class in the past month I am feeling the need to put effort into something creative and this is as close as I can get.  

Having to get a new router and install myself and then have everything look different including YouTube and Firefox page and Microsoft 2010 screen I cannot get rid of I need help.  This is not all the way back to where I started blogging saying I had no idea what I was doing so I do have some muscle memory for this just like in ballet when I return it feels like starting over but the muscles respond slowly.  Barbarina......are you going to keep blogging or WWWWWHHHHAAAATTTT???

I am too private a person to make this my new journal.  A journal is supposed to be free flowing writing my feelings as they come and at least that would keep me in the training mode of writing each day and I know that is what it takes is effort just to show up and write.  But for me that means showing up to make improvements and study and learn and do my best and a journal is not an art form it is just putting words down on paper.  Blogging needs to mean something....or does it.  What if my blog is just random writings each evening about whatever comes to me and leave it at that.  No one will read it and it will be a different kind of blog.  I am all about being different even if it is wrong so yes, I will just go for it.  Every night just post my random thoughts for the day and of course a photo that relates to my thoughts and see where this path takes me.  My journey in writing freestyle. 

Tonight is the first night of my freestyle blogging and maybe I will be brave enough not to censor my thoughts.  It is now 10PM and cold outside but clear enough to see the lights of the Christmas tree lit on the roof of Johns Landing.  The night feels calm.  Normal traffic.  Staring out my picture window is a blessing.  Life is always moving.  People are always going somewhere.  Even me when it does not feel like it.  I have been struggling with letting go of my passion to study ballet because of an injury that may or may not heal.  It has taken me a week of being aware that my life is more than one passion and I am grateful number one. 

How can I get to grateful when this injury is keeping me from my passion?  Wow!!  There is so much more for me to discover.  Goodnight.

Going Where The Spirit Takes YOu

A doctor once told her she would not be able to dance as her body aged.  She never went to that doctor again and refused to listen because the only thing she ever wanted to do was dance.  This is a tale about the human spirit.  When you are born an artist you have to be free to create.  This book is excellent for anyone who feels they coulda', shouda', woulda' if only...

Marta is a dancer, performer, choreographer, composer, painter, and sewed all her costumes for her one woman show.  Her father asked her, "Is there anything else useless that you could do?"  He never understood why she clung to her artistic talents thinking it was a waste of her time.  Her mother was a needy person that was a constant drain on Marta's energy.  Her husband ends up hating her and her art and ends up leaving her. leaves her.

One of many paintings  she did that cover the  walls and ceiling of her Opera House where she performs.

Marta did find a certain amount of  acclaim with all of her talents.  A documentary about  her was up for an Oscar that I want to see.    From what I can tell she is still creating and teaching today. 

Take Two Ibprofen Every Four Hours And Smile

Is it broken?  How do I know?  Is it swollen?  I don't even know.  It just hurts like crazy and I cannot put a shoe on.  Over the years I have had so many dance injuries and the remedy is always the same...ice.  Oh please no, I have only used it a very few times and it is the thought of icing that is too painful  so I have taken two Ibprofen and wonder how I am going to hobble to work tomorrow?

It happened so fast.  Getting ready to fly out the door to ballet class tonight suddenly I stub my baby toe and OOOwwwwEE it hurts.  But just shake it off and it will be fine so I put on my leotard and tights and thought I should try seeing how my toe was going to feel in my soft shoes.  Oh no, I cannot even get my foot in the shoe and I knew what that meant.  No ballet class tonight.  Now four hours later wondering how long this little event is going to keep me away from my passion???

UUUGHH...I'm now relegated to watching The Dukes Of Melrose for the first time on Bravo and  The Million Dollar Listing New York  At least I feel like I learn a few things about fashion and the real estate industry.  Unlike the insane shows on The Learning Channel (TLC).

GRRR...how long am I going to be sidelined this time?  I will have to key into training my Mind that I have been taking notes about.  I always journal about things for years before I actually feel like I get around to applying it to my life.  I'm also reading some new books one of which is "I'm Over All That..."by Shirley MacLaine.  I wish I was over ballet training because for every time I have to take off because of a virus, a vacation. an injury, the effort it takes to begin again feels like starting at the bottom of Mt. Everest.

 I know my mountain feels so trivial compared to what others are having to climb.  Where we are headed no one knows and with each event that FEELS like a set back is a learning experience.  AARRRGH!!!  I wish I could choose my own learning experiences.  Much more fun learning pirouettes.  If you have any experience with training your mind I would love to hear them.