Our Teachers Stay With Us Forever

Being a student for the past 25 years or more graduating from college, studying dance, yoga, Artist's Way, attending various workshops plus teaching various yoga classes and workshops for 20 years my journey has been mostly in a classroom of some kind.  Now I am in the humongous classroom called LIFE 101 and it is soooo much harder.  No teacher, no assignments, no combinations to learn, no set exercises or papers to write or reports to give or presentations to design and implement I feel LOST.

"Pain is the greatest teacher" she said.   She asked us to sit down against the wall after class and announced she had breast cancer.   I heard she had been a dancer since the age of three.  She came to Marylhurst to teach dance after being in a severe car accident where she was told she would never walk again.  In the hospital she asked for a radio and began moving her little finger to the music....the only thing she could move at the time.  Three years later she was teaching my class.  She had a double mastectomy yet died a year later.  She was in her forties.    She is the one who was my role model,  inspired me to dance and to become a yoga teacher.

I've heard if you have even one great teacher in your life you are fortunate and I have had many.  I had no idea I even wanted to take a dance class for my degree until my adviser suggested it.  I hated the class so much because I felt so self-conscious and like the worst one in the class.  Going across the floor one at a time freaked me out.  But I got an A, did not have to read a book or make a report and adored Joan so I signed up again.  That was the beginning of non stop dance classes of all kinds  to today moving what I can move.

 Joan Harmony, my mentor, my teacher, my inspiration, my catalyst to be more than I could dream.

Inspiration On The Street And On My Bulletin Board

Home from work at 3PM went directly for my walk.  I have to put myself on automatic pilot.  The minute my mind gets going I start with ...its too cold, I do not have to do anything I don't feel like, I do not like walking in winter so wait until it gets a little warmer blah blah blah.....no wind so had to go for it.  Wind is hard for me to ignore.

Aware it is helpful to my psyche to notice every person walking, or jogging on my drive home from work. They give me inspiration and I tell myself see....they can do it so can you.  For months now my left hip hurts from over stressing in ballet class.  Then for many weeks my right foot started hurting out of nowhere.  Not enough to stop me from walking only annoying.  I changed shoes immediately thinking that was the problem but weeks went by and still hurt.

Almost home from my walk today I realize my foot does not hurt.  Just as I have no idea how it came about weeks ago I have no idea when it went away.  But it is pain free now.  I love when that happens.  

Ohhh my body did not feel like stretching tonight after my walk so I did very few.  I have been  flexible all of my life.  Given the name Gumby in ballet class and always asked to demonstrate the splits as my body naturally went there no problem until a few years ago.  I stopped stretching on a regular bases when I stopped teaching yoga and I also had read for my body type to gain strength I needed to focus on less stretch and more strengthening exercises.  Well what little I gained in strength I have lost big time in flexibility and where my muscles were extremely loose they now feel stiff and  tight.   I put this picture on my bulletin board many years ago for inspiration.   I need it now.

 Despite a knee injury Maryetta Evans, 85 wow 'em with a split during the show's grand finale'

Thought Processes At 29 degrees

Whine whine whine....its too cold to exercise.  Too cold to walk, too cold in my apartment to not be wrapped in a blanket, hey girl, this is the time you need to force yourself to go to a gym and workout or find a yoga class.  But I did call around to find a class of some kind the past few weeks it just did not happen.  I cannot find one.   Reality is tonight it is only 5pm and I sit here at my computer holding my head in both hands with eyes closed so tired I can barely feel myself breathing...

Woke up this morning and wrote:  It does not matter what we believe what matter is if we love.

Do we make our own choices or is life pre-destined?  It just doesn't  matter.  Not going for my walk after work, not doing any exercise at all I find myself brain dead.  Kobe talked today about being an athlete coming back from an injury like cutting down a tree one has to keep chopping and keep chopping, stay at it and stay focused internally on what you have to do.  Nutrition is major and stretches.

What is lost nothing, feeling the air entering my nostrils and leaving....fingers wrapped around a cup of hot Vitamin C water, gratitude... aware of gratitude...mind is overwhelmed with blessings too numerous to mention.  Being in a state of gratitude is pure grace.  Do I bring that on myself or is it given to me as a gift?

                                          Leave it alone.....

An Exercise Fanatic

Twenty degrees in Portland town today but sunshine and no wind.  After not walking due to cold temps for several days except for shopping at The Mall (totally does not count for exercise) I knew I had to put on my knit tights, plus leggings, cami, thermal tee, hoodie, plus jacket, wool hat and go walk the river.  After seeing runners  earlier in the morning, and bicyclists all decked out like Lance Armstrong I knew I had to get my own training in gear.

Met R. and J. for coffee.  R asked me why I decided to go to my companies holiday party and if it was because of the documentary we saw last week called "Finding Joe" about the teachings of Joseph Campbell and others.  It was mentioned as an artist to do at least one thing every 7 days that takes you out of your comfort zone.  That would be socializing for me.  It is so uncomfortable for me to try and make conversation in groups of people.

I told her I think it must be because every ballet class was so challenging for me and uncomfortable that without it now I feel a need to find other things to do that take me out of complacency.  Who knows where my journey is going.  I just want to keep opening to what is new each day.

Do We Make Our Own Choices...

...or are we driven?  Do you remember when sequins were everywhere on everything?  I am not afraid of sequins I just don't like to wear them when they are trending.  So now when I want them they are gone.  Victoria Secret has a sequin Bomber jacket that is blinding.  Not finding anything else sequin at the Mall except old lady sweaters I thought I would give it a go.  It was so heavy I did not take it off the hanger.  I cannot stand thick heavy clothes.  I like to feel free in my clothes and in my LIFE.

Standing in the kitchen of my new apartment after leaving my second marriage my father asks, "What do you want?"  "To be free"..  "What does that mean?"  "I don't know it's just a feeling I want."  "You need to start using your head"  He hardly ever told me what to do.

Keeping a journal of my daily thoughts is a way to become aware of personal thought patterns NOT to change them or judge them ONLY to be aware of them and LEAVE THEM ALONE.

He's BAAAAACCCCCKKKKK!!!!!  Unlike any other.  He is the Art of Basketball.  What does it FEEL like to change your game???

Who Am I

Sooo cold today no walk and no stretches at home my body. mind, spirit is craving ballet class.  Hip still hurting but read my horoscope today and that could be changing in two weeks.  Yay!!!

Health begins in the kitchen and I am liking my new diet.  It is called The Harley Diet and I guess Kim Kardashian used it so why is he not calling it the KK diet to sell billions of copies?     Fruit in the morning, starches an hour later and greens with protein for lunch and dinner.   For the first time in awhile I feel energized and did not measure my inches but after only a few weeks I do have a  flat stomach.  Yay!!!
 

Watching Project Runway last night wrote down "As an artist work on finding who you are".   "Who Am I" was one of my favorite classes at Marylhurst College.  I really thought there was an answer to that question.  25 years later..I wonder what that would feel like?    I have no idea Who I Am.  Kobe the athlete I most admire says, "You have to see it first".  And tonight I wrote down, "Yay for slow decisions and painful processes", expressed by another artist.

The Face Of The Day

What could be causing red dots popping out on my face the past few weeks?  Tonight a few are now turning into large red welts.  Sweet.  I have not put any moisturizers or lotions or serums or foundation of any kind on my face because studying the principles of the yoga philosophy it is important to breathe.  Yes and the recommended way is through the nostrils not your mouth.  Also through your skin.  So I decided no lotions or oils slathered on my skin including sunscreens of any kind would be best for me.

Since focusing on 4 ballet classes a week and working full time I found watching YouTube tutorials my choice of relaxation.  I love to learn and watching all the makeup gurus was interesting, fun, and relaxing.  Little did I know it was starting to affect my life.  I started experimenting a few weeks ago with making my own Vit C serum, using a new cleanser, and putting one pump of Roc moisturizer on my face every morning.  Sweet.  Now I have red spots and welts on my face.

First elimination was the Vit C because I told myself I used too much and just not using it for a few days the spots would go.  A few days later decided I should stop the cleanser and moisturizer and start over.  It has been three days now of no product and my face still is not right. I had no idea I had sensitive skin until I wanted to improve upon it. 

Here is my granddaughter Ms. Lauren right after getting her braces removed last week.  She is thrilled.

Here she is with a self portrait she took on her phone.  These pictures are so precious to me because living so far away and only being able to visit once a year is something many of us have to make the best of and be thankful we at least have ways to communicate.  They live in Arkansas and she just now sent me a text they have lost power due to ice so they are all cuddled in bed.  Tonight in Oregon I am cold enough.

Last night I found the sweetest book.  It is so delightful.  I have only read the first chapter and it is so well written and FUNNY.  Oh if only I could write like her.  I wonder if I could learn?