All I Want To Do Is Dance

Just Do It

My nickname is Pavlova.  My first time ballet class ever was in my late 40's.  I had no idea how to stand at the barre or what foot to use.  Life had brought me to begin to study ballet...no idea why.  My friends named me Pavlova because I was always in class.  With every injury I had they would say...Are you sure you should be taking so many classes?  And...what do you ever hope to accomplish going to all those classes?  To this day in my 7th decade the answer is....I have no idea.

My day job allowed me the extra money to spend on classes and the challenge studying ballet fit my body/mind/spirit perfectly.  Life happens and eight months ago I had a hip injury that took me away from the barre and not even able to take a step without pain.  I had no idea if or when I would be able to go back to class until a few weeks ago and wah lah.....Healed and ready to go the first week of 2017.

Now unemployed for the first time in 25 years I find myself resisting what has presented itself.  Martha Graham said...we are all athletes.  Whatever we spend the most time doing is our athletic endeavor.  In my 7th decade I never thought I would be looking for work to support myself instead of dancing.  My Athlete In Training Program now has to include looking for work?  UGH!!!  I find myself resisting every step.

This Monday morning I awoke with anxiety attacks.  I had to go to WorkSource to register for unemployment benefits.  I know all of the self-help steps to take when overcome with fear.  Did not matter.  I had to go through the process.  Diarrhea, feeling physically weak and disoriented, negative stories dominating my mind telling me I should NOT HAVE TO DO THIS!!!

Okay...get a grip.....gave myself an Athlete In Training pep talk.  Realizing challenges come to us in many different forms.  And they are not supposed to be easy.  Just Do It...the same message I have given myself a zillion times in ballet class I had to use now.

At the State of Oregon offices it was not pretty.  Many people needing help and one man saying he had been there three hours already.  The agent that finally called my name and took me through the steps of enrollment said...I don't have to ask you if you speak good English because I already know...you were not very happy when I came to get you.  I said...its a good thing it does not ask for...good or bad attitude because you would have checked...bad.

At the end of the 2 hour process to register she told me she thought we were close personal friends because of all the information she had to ask me.  I stood up and said....thank you so much ......and asked her name as I put my hand out to shake hands.  She stood up and said......NO.  Then she grabbed me and gave me the biggest bear hug ever,

I was so happy every step to my car felt like I was DANCING ON AIR.  Lesson learned....resistance can lead to love when you let it happen.   And the dance of life comes in many different forms...not just at the barre.   

Growing Pains

Does anything in life happen by chance?

I am an INFP (Idealist) according to Myers Briggs test. In order to evolve into a whole balanced personality I need to work on my opposite traits ESTJ (Guardians).  Was it by chance when I graduated from Marylhurst University to start my own business my boyfriend at the time was an ESTJ?  I am great at preparing to take risks and try new things yet want to wait for an ideal time to proceed.   He was the one that insisted....DO IT NOW!!!  And showed me the way.  The best is to  have friends along the way that can SHOW you instead of TELL you what to do. 

Running my own business Creative Dance For Children for a few years I realized it was time to move on.  Designing Body/Mind/Spirit workshops, teaching yoga classes, promoting fitness classes, being a student of ballet and working as a research analyst fit my personality better. 

When a hip/back injury hit eight months ago my dance classes came to an end.  Every little step I took was acute pain and going for a walk is an exercise I always took for granted.  Now it was just to painful.  I put together my own program to heal using Esther Gokhale's book....8 Steps to a Pain Free Back.  I learned that in order to heal physically I had to do the OPPOSITE of what I normally do.

Last month with my injury healed I was looking to start 2017 back at the barre.. but BOOM.  My job was no longer available and with no supplemental income even with my UE benefits I do not feel right going to ballet.  My conditioning is to work then play.  Is that true?  My pattern is to shut down, close in, until work comes again.  There is no growth when repeating patterns so...

Athlete in training.....what now?  The opposite of what I normally do.   Meet friends for lunch...get on Facebook... create space for inner guidance.  Breathing breathng breathing.     trust the process.

Growing pains.....stay tuned

Athlete In Training Program Starting January 2017

Boarding Uber outside my apartment in major snowstorm January 2017

This blog is about Women Who Dare...in their 7th, 8th, 9th and 10th decade of life.  Please join me and share your stories, tips, about your journey to be yourself.  That is the most daring thing we can do.  I call myself an Athlete In Trainng.  My nickname is Pavlova.  I design and implement training sessions for myself and others.  This is my NEW PROGRAM starting January 2017.

 Friday January 13th after working for the same company for 25 years and in my 7th decade of life I hear....YOU'RE FIRED!!!  That is what I heard.  Reality is I have been laid off because my job is moving to Las Cruses, NM.  I am now in the Land of the UE. 

After a night of mini anxiety attacks with visions of NO $ signs dancing in my head I begin Saturday January 14th curled up in my blanket in front of my picture window like a cat....feeling the warmth of the sun on my face while seeing inches of of snow covering streets and sidewalks.  I write down a quote in my journal to get myself moving...

"Now and then in this workaday world, things do happen in a delightful storybook fashion, and what a comfort that is."

I drink juice of 1/2 a lemon and fix my treat, a cup of Vanilla Carmel coffee.

Next comes my workout session a 15 minute weights routine at Hasfit.com and add some full body wake up yoga poses.

Then apply for UE online...text with family and friends...begin reading a new book "An Innocent Fashion" about following your dreams.  This evening I will watch some of my favorite YT channels.

For now...in this moment I am still basking in the sun streaming through my window.  "There is no such thing as an ordinary cat". 

Stay tuned...