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Friday, January 27, 2017

All I Want To Do Is Dance

Just Do It
My nickname is Pavlova.  My first time ballet class ever was in my late 40's.  I had no idea how to stand at the barre or what foot to use.  Life had brought me to begin to study ballet...no idea why.  My friends named me Pavlova because I was always in class.  With every injury I had they would say...Are you sure you should be taking so many classes?  And...what do you ever hope to accomplish going to all those classes?  To this day in my 7th decade the answer is....I have no idea.

My day job allowed me the extra money to spend on classes and the challenge studying ballet fit my body/mind/spirit perfectly.  Life happens and eight months ago I had a hip injury that took me away from the barre and not even able to take a step without pain.  I had no idea if or when I would be able to go back to class until a few weeks ago and wah lah.....Healed and ready to go the first week of 2017.

Now unemployed for the first time in 25 years I find myself resisting what has presented itself.  Martha Graham said...we are all athletes.  Whatever we spend the most time doing is our athletic endeavor.  In my 7th decade I never thought I would be looking for work to support myself instead of dancing.  My Athlete In Training Program now has to include looking for work?  UGH!!!  I find myself resisting every step.

This Monday morning I awoke with anxiety attacks.  I had to go to WorkSource to register for unemployment benefits.  I know all of the self-help steps to take when overcome with fear.  Did not matter.  I had to go through the process.  Diarrhea, feeling physically weak and disoriented, negative stories dominating my mind telling me I should NOT HAVE TO DO THIS!!!

Okay...get a grip.....gave myself an Athlete In Training pep talk.  Realizing challenges come to us in many different forms.  And they are not supposed to be easy.  Just Do It...the same message I have given myself a zillion times in ballet class I had to use now.

At the State of Oregon offices it was not pretty.  Many people needing help and one man saying he had been there three hours already.  The agent that finally called my name and took me through the steps of enrollment said...I don't have to ask you if you speak good English because I already know...you were not very happy when I came to get you.  I said...its a good thing it does not ask for...good or bad attitude because you would have checked...bad.

At the end of the 2 hour process to register she told me she thought we were close personal friends because of all the information she had to ask me.  I stood up and said....thank you so much ......and asked her name as I put my hand out to shake hands.  She stood up and said......NO.  Then she grabbed me and gave me the biggest bear hug ever,

I was so happy every step to my car felt like I was DANCING ON AIR.  Lesson learned....resistance can lead to love when you let it happen.   And the dance of life comes in many different forms...not just at the barre.   

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