It's the kind of night that feels still. It is 9:30PM. There is a haunting lone train whistle in the night but at the same time feels like the song, all is calm all is bright. People that write songs are amazing. People who write are amazing. I think writing must be like singing, drawing, all of the arts you either have a talent for it or you don't. Then again I have read and believe from personal experience that as Woody Allen says, there is a story in your head you want to tell and only 60 percent of it comes out.
I also heard someone say the other day that when she was chosen to go to an Artist's Retreat Colony for a year to write a book she had started as soon ss she got there the book she was going to write disappeared or turned to crap in her head so she called her agent and was told...."write it anyway". She said that was the greatest advice because if you keep tearing up and starting over you end up with nothing. Better to go with awful and stick with it then mine it for gold and as she said she ended up with a book she had written. It was not the book she wanted to write but it was a book and now she is writing another.
That is what ballet class feels like. Always missing the mark. Yes I feel progress but it is far short of what I think I could do would do will do next time. Only once in a great while do I leave ballet class with a sense of accomplishment. 9 time out or 10 I leave not feeling depressed just a feeling of thinking I could or should be doing so much better. Of course now I an not able to dance at all and I think it is going on 3 months. My hip is healing each day so we shall see if I get to return to the barre in 2014.
Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and I will walk the river early in the morning and again in the afternoon alone and the same on Christmas Day. This alone time will recharge my batteries to prepare for my family and trip to Las Vegas for New Years Eve. Me who is way out of my comfort zone around people celebrating the incoming New Year in Vegas baby will be a trip. This coming year my horoscope tells me the Cosmos has scheduled me to instigate some major creative activity in 2014. Instigating is not my strong point. But I AM UP FOR THE CHALLENGE!!!! I hope.
I also heard someone say the other day that when she was chosen to go to an Artist's Retreat Colony for a year to write a book she had started as soon ss she got there the book she was going to write disappeared or turned to crap in her head so she called her agent and was told...."write it anyway". She said that was the greatest advice because if you keep tearing up and starting over you end up with nothing. Better to go with awful and stick with it then mine it for gold and as she said she ended up with a book she had written. It was not the book she wanted to write but it was a book and now she is writing another.
That is what ballet class feels like. Always missing the mark. Yes I feel progress but it is far short of what I think I could do would do will do next time. Only once in a great while do I leave ballet class with a sense of accomplishment. 9 time out or 10 I leave not feeling depressed just a feeling of thinking I could or should be doing so much better. Of course now I an not able to dance at all and I think it is going on 3 months. My hip is healing each day so we shall see if I get to return to the barre in 2014.
Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and I will walk the river early in the morning and again in the afternoon alone and the same on Christmas Day. This alone time will recharge my batteries to prepare for my family and trip to Las Vegas for New Years Eve. Me who is way out of my comfort zone around people celebrating the incoming New Year in Vegas baby will be a trip. This coming year my horoscope tells me the Cosmos has scheduled me to instigate some major creative activity in 2014. Instigating is not my strong point. But I AM UP FOR THE CHALLENGE!!!! I hope.
In many ways I feel 2013 has been my lost year. I have not hit the mark on what I thought I would accomplish. Yes, I have missed the mark but I am not going to beat myself up. Just keep on plugging. It's not that I've been lazy because I'm always in motion but I sometimes think my perpetual motion is an avoidance of doing what is important. I am still searching for the way to break this cycle. I have to stop making excuses and get on with it! Lets get through Christmas and begin anew. And enjoy your visit with family--- and Las Vegas!
ReplyDeleteWhat a gorgeous picture! My 2014 challenge is putting more time into my blog! I've been slacking big time lately.
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Funny, I turned down a great job in Portland to move to England instead. Once here I couldn't find an aerobics class I thought was decent; instead I joined a running club - in spite of not being a runner. I met my husband, Bill, who was a runner. Eventually I ran several marathons and made running a firm habit. Eventually I lost that habit... Am now trying to get back to exercising regularly. I hired a personal trainer in November to show me how to improve my upper body strength. Making myself go for a run or do a mat session six days a week is very hard; I use up a great deal of energy in exercising my willpower, never mind the workouts themselves! Still, I can see minute progress and that keeps me going. I plan to do a 10K race in April. My ultimate aim is to stay fit (as a way of keeping my independence and fighting age) but to still have time and energy for other interests. Happy 2014!
ReplyDeleteI can tell you are up for the challenge! I was just browsing your other posts too. Love your blog. I find that if I prepare myself to paint a masterpiece, I get tight, but if I give myself permission to create garbage, I do my best work. Go figure. I KNOW that you are still dancing in your head. I love it.
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