Plans To Push My Edge

Many years ago I came across a favorite poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer called "The Invitation" Then several years ago she came to visit Portland to promote her book The Dance" and I went to see her.  I remember her being very happy, a childhood sweetheart had come back into her life, she was a writer, a workshop presenter, and to me radiated a life that I wanted.  Everything she was doing made sense.  Everything seemed to fit.  Her life was creative and flowing along beautifully in my perspective.  Like a dance.

A few days ago I decided to Google her name.  Her blog appeared called "The Green Bough".  The title of her most recent post to my surprise "Divorce Day Revelations".  The post title that really intrigued me though was "Pushing My Edge".  She has signed on for a workshop in September 2012 called "Tango As A Door To Presence".  She goes on to outline all the reasons this will be a major "push" for her. 

Inspiration comes from many places.  When I return from vacation networking and collaboration is my plan realizing plans are easy..... the "push" is in the execution.

Google Photo Oriah Mountain Dreamer

I Want To Be Me

Coming up is my fun trip to be with my daughter and grandchildren in Arkansas.  This time we will spend some time vacationing on the beaches of Dustin, Florida.  We will have workout sessions each day and all  outdoor activities in temperatures 90 degrees and above.

My wardrobe will be tees, shorts, sandals and some workout gear.  I am fine being overdressed for any and all occasions but I always bring way too many items in order to look more interesting than the natives.  Since I  have to carry my own bags through the airports this year I will be paring down and skipping anything superfluous

In America "the land of the free" means it is impossible to go anywhere and be under dressed.  Except maybe if you are barefoot.  Anything else gets you through the door without anyone saying a word.  The uniform at the beach no matter where you go day or evening is flip flops, tank top, and shorts.  This will not be my style but I will do something similar.

The place where I like to be more stylish is the airport.  I have to be warm on the plane which means slip on shooties instead of sandals, white jeans instead of shorts, and what would be considered a stylish top instead of a tee shirt.  I was going to wear a denim jacket that fits into the country atmosphere I'm heading to but I don't feel like myself  when I wear it.

  I found this light weight cotton coat and though I do not like that it is black I like the romantic style and with white jeans and polka dot top I will feel more like an expression of myself even if it is just hanging out in airports waiting for my flight.

A very poor photo of my romantic coat

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What Makes You Cheer

I have no idea what I was doing or thinking at the age of three.  My recall does not go beyond the age of about age six when my sister was born.  Before that my life is not on my radar.  I do remember being extremely shy in grade school and high school.  Basically the only thing I remember about grade school is being  a snowflake in a Snowball dance performance and wanting to be Gretal in Hansel and Gretal.   Instead I  was assigned to be one of the witches  riding a broom and was so mortified I did not want to go out on stage and prayed no one would know it was me.  In high school I do not remember participating in any activities.

My desire was only to "be free" and on my own.  To do what I had no idea.  Then along came marriage and children and my desire to dance did not show up until very late in life.  My daughter knew in eighth grade she wanted to pursue basketball.  She went on to earn a full basketball scholarship to Howard University in Texas and went on to be a basketball and volleyball coach that she loves.

Lauren age three

Along comes my granddaughter who grew up in a gym.  As soon as she saw the cheerleaders she had to join in.   Now she is twelve and will be trying out for the Junior High Lady
 Bulldogs Cheer Squad next Friday.   Forty girls try out and only 15 accepted.  If she is selected she wants to go on to be part of the Senior High Competitive Cheer Squad.  Go Lauren.....Go Lauren.....

Lauren age twelve

Reality From My Bay Window

The view from my window

Looking out my window is my "reality"  of choice.  I get to watch the world go by in silence.  The joggers, the dog walkers, the cars, the chipmunks, the love birds, the geese, all with a sense and sensibility.  So why do I turn on the TV where the so called "reality"  TV shows are an assault to my humanity?   Most every scene is set up to be a  fake fight scene with pigeon talk spiced up with vocabulary  that has been approved by the FCC because censorship is a dirty word.   How did we get from Jane Austen Sense and Sensibility.....

Google photo image

....to this kind of mess called the Reality Housewives of Atlanta, New Jersey, O.C., New York, L. A. and maybe in your town too???

Photo from Google images

This is the truth.  I do not want to admit I watch some of this and worse than that I have no idea why.  Is it an addiction to entertainment, some kind of conditioning, a need for diversions, I have no idea.  I watch TV a few hours in the evening after ballet class so why bother?  Why not just try leaving it off and read or continue looking out my window?  This is my 64,000 dollar question. 

Astrology for Inspiration

Last Wednesday I was still on the "no work list"  so I went for my walk on the river and then home to journal.  I also read my horoscope in one of our local newspapers.  My sign is Cancer and it basically said I need to have a networking extravaganza or a corroboration spree to organize a gathering for all those allies who will be most important in helping me carry out my Master Plan of the next 12 months.

Wait......I do not have a Master Plan.  I also do not network.  I do not Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and it makes me dizzy just listening to people who do.  Every example they give me of why they love to use Social Media are all reasons why it is the opposite of how I want to lead my life.  I have to add I could easily become a hermit without even trying. 

Thursday still no work so another walk on the river.  When I arrived home I had an idea to begin my own exercise studio.  I thought of 5 friends including myself and assigned them each positions.  I have a support counselor to give motivation skills, a Marketing Director, a receptionist and designer of exercise clothes, a bio-chemist for natural nutritional support and me the coach and trainer.

Then I remembered there is a place in my neighborhood that I could visit and introduce myself and tell them I am looking for work coaching, teaching and promoting exercise.http://therapeutictrainers.com/index.html.  I then started outlining some ideas I was brainstorming when the phone rang.......come back to work on Friday at 8am.

Of course I have not told any of my 4 friends that I was going to network and collaborate with them because all of my planning is internal.  Then I remembered a Myers Briggs personality traits definition:  "If you don't know what an extrovert is thinking you aren't listening.  If you don't know what an introvert is thinking you haven't asked.  I have not said a word to anyone about my idea and I have not visited the Therapeutic Trainers Network to introduce myself, yet. 

Am I the only one who does not have a 12 month Master Plan?  

Vacation Like A Rock Star

One would think working at my place of employment for over 15 years I would be conditioned to expect unpaid time off.  I am not a workaholic so this is kind of a free day to do whatever I feel like doing.  I am also physically and mentally programmed to go to work Monday through Friday and when that does not happen it takes awhile to wrap my head around the idea I am on an unpaid vacation.  I did read somewhere that when a person gets laid off or terminated from a job or has an accident that changes a personal routine it takes at least two weeks to psychologically let go and begin something new.

Also 90 percent of the thoughts we had yesterday are the same thoughts we have today and another reason why change is so difficult.  That must be why I felt like a lost soul on this beautiful sunny 80 degree day and did not even make it on my river walk so disoriented was I.  Instead I went grocery shopping and sat outside on my deck reading.

I used to party like a "rock star" when I was a disc joickey at the number one Rock and Roll station in the late 70's and early 80's.  Sex, drugs, and rock and roll is not an expression it was real life.  I heard Carol King interviewed on CNN the other night say the same thing.  When I quit that job it was a major change and I had no clue what I was going to with my life.  I laid  on my couch  for a whole year while sending out some resumes and going on some interviews that gave me solid rejections. 

A neighbor asked if I could do anything I wanted what would it be and I told her a "professional student".  One thing led to another and soon I was enrolling at Marylhurst College.  Looking back on how it all happened it does seem it was all planned and meant to be.  Right now with no projects to work on this too feels all planned.  I like to take notes when I read and came across this one today.

"Nothing to hold on to is the root of happiness.  Rest here."

Artistic Endeavors Foiled Again

Yesterday I had a free day to do whatever.  Since I want to learn how to post photos that I take of myself with my tripod and put it off every chance I get my thoughts after morning coffee was to practice,practice, and more of it!!  I had taken a few pictures in the weeks previous but even that is one where when I arrive home from work I tell myself I am too tired, or my outfit is not right, or blah blah blah and weeks go by and I realize I have taken only a few pictures and if I do not shape up I will once again forget even how to go through all the steps to get it done.

Okay so yesterday was my day to proceed no excuses!!! I am planning my trip to visit my daughter and two grandchildren in Arkansas and will be leaving in a few weeks.  I decided to try on a few different options for traveling on the plane and then force myself to take a few photos of each outfit.  As I took the first few I thought they were turning out wrong and then notice my patience is nil so I take a couple and move on to the next outfit.  I was having fun practicing different poses and all in all tired on 7 outfits and took two photos of each so I had a fair amount of photos to experiment with posting.

Looking forward to my man Kobe playing basketball at 6:30 pm I still had time to run to the mall and wander around instead of going for a walk in the wind and the rain.  When I arrived home I turned on the TV, poured myself a glass of chocolate wine and began loading the photos.  I am watching the game while I am cropping the photos and making adjustments to the lighting, mostly watching the game and slowly find myself very upset.   The Lakers are losing and they are playing terrible but I am a grown woman not some Los Angelos fanatical fan so why is this seriously making me mad??  I ask myself what this possibly has to do with my life and I am amazed every time I get caught up emotionally about a stupid game.  I continue sorting out my photos during time outs and half time.

Over an hour or so later I pour myself a second glass of wine and amazed that I am happy with my photos.  I still keep watching the game though even with Kobe not playing after the third quarter because the game was already a loss.  Three hours later I am not sure where my photos have been stored.   I click through Pictures there are many folders that are empty and I am hitting the delete button as I go and oops.......as soon as I did it I realized my mistake but thought they would be saved somewhere on some file but no........every picture gone.  

Who said starting over is half the fun??  At least today I accomplished a different DIY project I have been putting off.  I used every bit of artistic abilities I have and used Martha Stewart glitter to make one pair of sandals silver sparkles and one pair black sparkles.  They have to dry for two days and then I spray them with silicone and then I dare to wear them.  Please Martha make it happen!!!!