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Friday, December 13, 2013

Are You Doing Somethng?

When I signed up for Financial Aide to attend college I had no idea I would go so far in debt.  It just didn't matter to me.  Money was not an object.  I was a single parent and qualified for every loan available in the 80's and I had no worries about paying it back.  My focus was on getting a BA and having fun learning.

Today not knowing where my life is heading an email at work this morning  to sign up for a "Yoga Therapy Training Program".  I printed out the application. The Course Fees were $3,000.00. If my heart was in it and I wanted to head in this direction I would fill out the application and not look back.  The impetus is not there.  I have taken yoga classes from this studio  and the teachers did not grab me like Joan did.  Maybe I am much wiser now and no teacher would be able to make such an impression upon me.

I want a training program.  I want to train for something that is all encompassing.  I wanted a job like that .  I wanted my employment to be not only my livelihood but my reason for living.  Where everyday I would be the one percent of the population whose career is their passion.  That was my plan.  I was able to let that go over the years and be happy in my work.  Okay so not everyone can support themselves with their passion.  Dance class was my savior.  Something to challenge me.  In order to get to class it became my lifestyle.  I had to focus on my nutrition and keep myself prepared just to get to class each day

With each passing day my hip hurting and no ballet class I become more of a vegetable.  Today after work I get groceries then ask my neighbor to fix my computer then wirte this blog as I watch Kobe have to watch his passion change radically.

 Reading an article in Runners World said when she STOPPED eating, breathing, training and focusing on running running started to become more enjoyable again.  WHAT???

Okay, like the memoirs I am reading of a thirty something that is a fashion writer in London and had money and access to fly all over the world going to every kind of art event and had all the clothes she wanted, the perfect apartment and social life but it was not enough.  When her boyfriend left her she wanted a new life in rural France and now there she is wishing she was back in London.  HELLO!!

There is this awareness within myself that we are all connected and the experiences we have are not unlike each other   What once was is not anymore.  Letting go and not trying to fix it is the worst because we are conditioned to try and make it better.  When all the training all the conditioning fails us...  What to do?  Is it in the NOT DOING that leads us to a new place???

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