Dance Is A Journey

100 Degrees today so up early to walk the San Francisco hills.  Ran into my "role model" .  She walks 9 to 10 miles every morning then home to lift weights and stretches.  She said it is hard because she owns a retail business in the Pearl District.

Okay...I am a basic slob compared to her.  Do not compare yourself to anyone.  Ugh...so hard!!!!

Passion to return to ballet class returned this morning.  Will I or won't I renew my commitment?

In the NOW I am breathing, smiling, setting egg timer for every hour to walk around the block.  Today added stretching into my morning routine.  Pavlovas personal lover has been my ballet classes for the past 25 to 30 years.  Have I broken up with ballet?

Ah, what a dusty answer gets the soul
when hot for certainties in our life.

Quotation from Modern Love, 1862 about the break-up of a marriage.

Let's Hack The Code

One year and a half on this planet

Are you prepared to live forever?  Or maybe to 180?  The Methuselah Foundation offers a One Million Dollar Palo Alto Longevity prize to encourage an all out effort to hack the code that regulates our health and life span.

Me, the athlete in training/dancer is still going on my healthy daily Swing Dance Walks up the S. F. Hills and applying for work and collecting unemployment until July.  After 25 years conducting outbound calls to major corporations nationwide to recruit participants for research studies...I am OVER IT!!!  It was FUN but...that journey has ended.  Now I am only interested in work fielding inbound calls and listed with online job sites with the title.....Receptionist.

The other day I heard the billionaire Mark Cuban in an interview say...."if you have a people oriented type job you are going to be replaced by ROBOTICS."  He was asked to give an example of what kinds of jobs that will be and the first one out of his mouth was...RECEPTIONIST.

I'm not sure about the quest to prevent aging.  We are part of nature and different species age fast or slow yet everything ages.  When we prevent the laws of nature how does that work out for us?  I have heard when man uses technology to change the elements in the forest, or mess with the spawning of salmon bad things can and do happen.

I'm not sure I want to live long enough that no matter who I call for no matter what reason I will reach a ROBOT.  Can you imagine a life where you make a call and punch in all the required numbers on the phone tree only to end up with a ROBOT at the end?  I can't.  I can't.  That would ruin any chance I had for a healthy lifestyle.  My quest for longevity ends there.🏃🏃🏃

Women Who Dare

Daughter, Granddaughter, Myself   July 2016

Facebook asks...what's on your mind?  How about...nothing.  My Athlete In Training Program includes quiet time mentally where my mind clears a space for love.  This focus on mental health takes discipline and usually happens when there is a disruption in life.  Losing my job is that for me right now and allows me to discover...what is new...when I STOP DOING!!!  Learning how to adapt when circumstances change is not only building my muscles physically but mentally.  The need for tolerance for uncertainty has got to be fun for me or it's not worth it.

My quiet time brings silence.  Knowing silence is guidance my job is to not panic when that is all I hear.  "Hello darkness my old friend...I've come to speak with you again".  Women who dare do not conform.  They listen to their own songs.  It takes strength to listen on a deep level.  This simple concept to just STOP...the stories....the doing...and just be quiet is not something we are taught to be productive.  We constantly ask and are being asked..."What did you do today'?  If the answer is...NOTHING...the response is...What's wrong?

Growing up I never wanted an Ordinary Life.  I did want to be the lady on the daring trapeze.  To be born, raised, live, and die in one town would be the worst.  Then at the age of sixteen...my ten year old sister drown.  That is when I discovered what the worst really felt like.  A movie came out called "Ordinary People" and I saw the story of my life on the big screen.  Great novels, songs, and films let us know...we are not alone.

This AIT walks the S.F. Hills every day, applies for work online, goes grocery shopping, journals, reads, watches the evening news and some favorite YouTube channels all with a "quiet passive mind" in order to hear... what is new?  Turns out my "ordinary life" is challenging me to dare to give up unnecessary things and business affairs...whatever that means? 

Are You Normal

The Terminator

They say..."It's not normal to be Russell Westbrook".  Slogans say, "Be true to yourself", that's fine but...better is one who can SHOW the way.  One of Westbrooks Mountain Dew commercials "Don't do THEY...Do YOU...is worth a thousand words.

Myself an Athlete In Training I sit here in front of my picture window and watch joggers, dog walkers, bikers, employees at Johns Landing Watertower, all with places to go and things to do.  Unemployed I have no where to be nothing to do just Free To Be Me.  I have my Vanilla Carmel cup of coffee, dressed in my Walmart pajama bottoms, with $4.99 wool tights underneath, a camisole with a long sleeve worn out thermal and a white hoodie over top ready to go walk the San Francisco Hills.  Wondering....is this what I am supposed to be doing?  After 25 years of working everyday...is this normal????

There she is again.  She walks past my window every morning and every night.  She has no idea she is my role model.  With her beautiful, elegant long-legged gazelle like movements for the past ten years I have seen her.  Once I asked her if she walked the S.F. Hills?   She said..."yes sometimes three times."  I walk the hills one time and consider it my complete full-body aerobic exercise for the day.  She walks in every kind of weather just like the postal service only they get paid for it.  I asked her once how she can be so consistent?  She said..."I love ALL the elements."  That is my new mantra.  Is that normal?

Marlo Thomas had an album called Free To Be You And Me my sweet, precious five year old daughter listened to daily.  She had a major trauma happen in her life losing not only her two big brothers but her father as well due to divorce.  No one else at her grade school had divorced parents.  She asked..."why" she was different?  Divorce and blended families were not normal at that time.  The message of that song forty years ago is more relevant today than ever.  With "Rump" for a so-called President freedom means having to "fit in".  I heard just yesterday on the radio a mayor of a town say to a woman wearing a hijab..."Act normal or GET OUT".

I woke this morning thinking I need to be an ACTIVIST for diversity.  But I can't be in throngs of people.  I could be the one up on the platform yelling into the microphone but I need to have a name like Meryl or Rosie for that.  Are you aware everyone is just automatically being asked to "fit in"?  Every retail outlet, corporation, restaurants, movie theaters, airlines, need you to be a member of theirs now.  I understand I pay double for everything in life now because I refuse to join anything.  I am not part of any organization religious or otherwise, no for profit or non profit organizations, and wonder..."is it normal to be a member of everything and everyplace you go in life now?

I do not want to be a member of your marketing schemes.   I do not want to even be asked if I want to join your group think mentality.   But that is feeling almost impossible now... to be Free To Be Me economically.  I am paying the price. Is anyone else paying attention to this?   Have you already joined hands?  Is America First really going to be our  "new normal"?  I hope not.

Giant Road Runner, Las Cruces,, New Mexico

What does a long-legged bird in the CUCKOO family have to do with me?  How many kinds of crazy can set me off in the Land Of The Unemployed?  Lets start with....If Need Help call 877-345-3484.  The only way I was able to stay on hold for an hour to register for my UE check and not go MAD was pretend I was the star of a SNL skit and getting paid big dollars. The recording is old and dragging with distorted loud grating music and a voice overlay repeating the same info adnauseum directing you to their website.  Many companies have those instructions never realizing their website does not have the answer to your question.  Beyond FRUSTRATING!!!!!

How did I get here?  January 2017 my job moved to our Las Cruces location.  I felt like a contestant on Project Runway.  "One day you're IN and the next day a Giant Road Runner takes your job.  OK....get a grip and check in with one of my mentors Caroline Myss..."when change happens it's like entering a mystery.  GET EXCITED!!!"
Hey, I can do that.  I have an affinity with living in the unknown preferring how much more interesting it is than a daily 8 to 5 grind.  That is until time to pay the rent.

My job now is to focus on my own progress.  Being UE is a process.  So how am I doing?
Relax your face, relax your hands, and your whole body relaxes I tell myself.  A yoga axiom that works for all occasions.  Except that "Donny one-note" reading a prompter last night drones on in my head as obnoxious as being stuck holding on the UE help line .

Who You Idolize Is The Direction Your Headed

Childhood dream being a trapeze artist in The Greatest Show On Earth

What is the meaning of my life?  What were my passions growing up?  The Greatest Show On Earth is the one movie I watched over and over and just knew I had to find a way to join the circus.  My parents said.... NO circus people are different than you.

My favorite activity in grade school was recess.  The only thing I looked forward to was going outside to play daredevil on the monkey bars.  In High School my most hated activity was Physical Education in the gym doing calisthenics and my most fave was roller skating.

Marriage and family time found me signing up for Volleyball team in winter and Softball league in summer at City Parks and Rec.  College led me to dance.  Injury and unemployment brings me to NOW.  Walking the SF Hills every morning.

I hear women on YouTube wanting to find a life partner.  No thank you.  I just want to meet any one who wants to go to the park to play Frisbee and badminton while I figure out what else I was created to do for work to support myself. 

If you want to see a most fun and even more poignant documentary look for "Alive and Kicking".  It is filled with a million different life lessons in just 88 minutes.  You can Google the movie trailer to get the idea and if you get a chance to see the film you may feel like a little bit of magic dust sprinkled on you that you will carry with you wherever you go.

For Self Healing Start Here

Whoa Whoa Whoa...I am very late to this party

I believe my purpose in life is to teach.  I played the role of teacher as long as I can remember.  In third grade my parents set up a tent in my back yard so I could invite all of the neighbor children over and I was the teacher.  Too young to have a subject to teach the kids came because I gave out grape juice and graham crackers.  But only to those who behaved.  My mom told me the parents would call  to say their child would not be coming back because...I was too bossy!!!

My favorite cousin also loved to play school so every time we got together we had imaginary students we spent hours teaching.  I never wanted to be a traditional teacher so did not go down that path.  When pursuing my degree in college I did find myself designing and implementing Hatha Yoga classes for adults and teaching Creative Dance for Children and would have continued if I could have figured out a way to support myself doing it.  Had to move on.

For the past 25 years I have been happy as a student of classical ballet.  My last class was in April of 2016 because of injury.   I found myself having to be my own teacher. . I used Ester Gokhale's book and healed in 8 months ready to go back to the barre.  Now comes the ultimate challenge.   My brand new lifestyle in the land of the unemployment. Having to find work to support myself suddenly those  3 little words are meaningful.   I want to post it everywhere.  Maybe I will even wear it?  No......too far

Being my own teacher is much harder than teaching others.  Learning to be The Warrior archetype to: get tough...be decisive... keep the personal out of it... a brand new concept for me.  I have always made all  decisions based on how I "feel" about the situation.  A new attitude is needed now.

I am learning all of life is Impersonal.  We just make it personal Caroline Myss says.  Over the years through counseling and personal studies I know how to catch myself when telling stories in my mind that make me feel hurt and I am able to say.....STOP IT!!!! 

 What is new is advice to myself  to get out of the way and make objective choices.  In order to make a change for Self Healing Meir Schneider writes.....Whatever you were doing...do the opposite.  START THERE!!!!  It sounds simplistic but it is what I did to heal my hip injury.   No matter if it is an injury or illness or any kind of change I will choose to observe every feeling... thought,... and action... from an IMPERSONAL perspective..not judging it as good...or bad....and move forward from there.  JUST DO IT.   Ms. Bossy!!!

Stay tuned...

Where Is My Inspiration

My daughter, myself

My daughter is my number one INSPIRATION!!!  Every night she will text me a workout she is doing.  "Just ran the hill now doing the P90X ab ripper".  But she also remembers in High School when she would make fun of me every morning when she would hear me working out to the Jane Fonda cassette tape.  She even remembers some of the songs. 

It is so icy and cold here.  Just when I think I have established my new AITP with a one hour walk up the San Francisco Hills in my neighbor hood......oh nooooooo....its too windy and cold for me.  I do my 15 minute HasFit weights routine and yoga balance poses and call it DONE.

I do not lack for inspiration though.  This woman walks by my apartment EVERY MORNING AND EVERY NIGHT for the past ten years at least.  Once I had a chance to tell her how much I admired her consistency.

"I don't think of it that way" she said  "I just love it"

I said, "but you walk in wind, rain, hail, ice, and snow, weather I don't even like to drive"

"I just love all the elements" she said as she walked away.

She has no idea she is my role model.

Emailing my resume this week to various health and wellness clinics felt less like job hunting and more like fishing.  I never liked to fish but I did love being with my Dad.  He taught me fishing requires patience.  I had none.  He never knew he was my role model in the Art of Waiting.

Okay...Game Plan for next week.....

*  Pay attention to who and what I admire because that is where I am being led

*  Walk the SF Hills everyday

*  Keep fishing for work

*  Ask myself......"ARE YOU LISTENING?

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All I Want To Do Is Dance

Just Do It

My nickname is Pavlova.  My first time ballet class ever was in my late 40's.  I had no idea how to stand at the barre or what foot to use.  Life had brought me to begin to study ballet...no idea why.  My friends named me Pavlova because I was always in class.  With every injury I had they would say...Are you sure you should be taking so many classes?  And...what do you ever hope to accomplish going to all those classes?  To this day in my 7th decade the answer is....I have no idea.

My day job allowed me the extra money to spend on classes and the challenge studying ballet fit my body/mind/spirit perfectly.  Life happens and eight months ago I had a hip injury that took me away from the barre and not even able to take a step without pain.  I had no idea if or when I would be able to go back to class until a few weeks ago and wah lah.....Healed and ready to go the first week of 2017.

Now unemployed for the first time in 25 years I find myself resisting what has presented itself.  Martha Graham said...we are all athletes.  Whatever we spend the most time doing is our athletic endeavor.  In my 7th decade I never thought I would be looking for work to support myself instead of dancing.  My Athlete In Training Program now has to include looking for work?  UGH!!!  I find myself resisting every step.

This Monday morning I awoke with anxiety attacks.  I had to go to WorkSource to register for unemployment benefits.  I know all of the self-help steps to take when overcome with fear.  Did not matter.  I had to go through the process.  Diarrhea, feeling physically weak and disoriented, negative stories dominating my mind telling me I should NOT HAVE TO DO THIS!!!

Okay...get a grip.....gave myself an Athlete In Training pep talk.  Realizing challenges come to us in many different forms.  And they are not supposed to be easy.  Just Do It...the same message I have given myself a zillion times in ballet class I had to use now.

At the State of Oregon offices it was not pretty.  Many people needing help and one man saying he had been there three hours already.  The agent that finally called my name and took me through the steps of enrollment said...I don't have to ask you if you speak good English because I already know...you were not very happy when I came to get you.  I said...its a good thing it does not ask for...good or bad attitude because you would have checked...bad.

At the end of the 2 hour process to register she told me she thought we were close personal friends because of all the information she had to ask me.  I stood up and said....thank you so much ......and asked her name as I put my hand out to shake hands.  She stood up and said......NO.  Then she grabbed me and gave me the biggest bear hug ever,

I was so happy every step to my car felt like I was DANCING ON AIR.  Lesson learned....resistance can lead to love when you let it happen.   And the dance of life comes in many different forms...not just at the barre.   

Growing Pains

Does anything in life happen by chance?

I am an INFP (Idealist) according to Myers Briggs test. In order to evolve into a whole balanced personality I need to work on my opposite traits ESTJ (Guardians).  Was it by chance when I graduated from Marylhurst University to start my own business my boyfriend at the time was an ESTJ?  I am great at preparing to take risks and try new things yet want to wait for an ideal time to proceed.   He was the one that insisted....DO IT NOW!!!  And showed me the way.  The best is to  have friends along the way that can SHOW you instead of TELL you what to do. 

Running my own business Creative Dance For Children for a few years I realized it was time to move on.  Designing Body/Mind/Spirit workshops, teaching yoga classes, promoting fitness classes, being a student of ballet and working as a research analyst fit my personality better. 

When a hip/back injury hit eight months ago my dance classes came to an end.  Every little step I took was acute pain and going for a walk is an exercise I always took for granted.  Now it was just to painful.  I put together my own program to heal using Esther Gokhale's book....8 Steps to a Pain Free Back.  I learned that in order to heal physically I had to do the OPPOSITE of what I normally do.

Last month with my injury healed I was looking to start 2017 back at the barre.. but BOOM.  My job was no longer available and with no supplemental income even with my UE benefits I do not feel right going to ballet.  My conditioning is to work then play.  Is that true?  My pattern is to shut down, close in, until work comes again.  There is no growth when repeating patterns so...

Athlete in training.....what now?  The opposite of what I normally do.   Meet friends for lunch...get on Facebook... create space for inner guidance.  Breathing breathng breathing.     trust the process.

Growing pains.....stay tuned

Athlete In Training Program Starting January 2017

Boarding Uber outside my apartment in major snowstorm January 2017

This blog is about Women Who Dare...in their 7th, 8th, 9th and 10th decade of life.  Please join me and share your stories, tips, about your journey to be yourself.  That is the most daring thing we can do.  I call myself an Athlete In Trainng.  My nickname is Pavlova.  I design and implement training sessions for myself and others.  This is my NEW PROGRAM starting January 2017.

 Friday January 13th after working for the same company for 25 years and in my 7th decade of life I hear....YOU'RE FIRED!!!  That is what I heard.  Reality is I have been laid off because my job is moving to Las Cruses, NM.  I am now in the Land of the UE. 

After a night of mini anxiety attacks with visions of NO $ signs dancing in my head I begin Saturday January 14th curled up in my blanket in front of my picture window like a cat....feeling the warmth of the sun on my face while seeing inches of of snow covering streets and sidewalks.  I write down a quote in my journal to get myself moving...

"Now and then in this workaday world, things do happen in a delightful storybook fashion, and what a comfort that is."

I drink juice of 1/2 a lemon and fix my treat, a cup of Vanilla Carmel coffee.

Next comes my workout session a 15 minute weights routine at Hasfit.com and add some full body wake up yoga poses.

Then apply for UE online...text with family and friends...begin reading a new book "An Innocent Fashion" about following your dreams.  This evening I will watch some of my favorite YT channels.

For now...in this moment I am still basking in the sun streaming through my window.  "There is no such thing as an ordinary cat". 

Stay tuned...